I am My Tool: What Therapy has Taught Me

I was recently talking with students in my introduction to counseling graduate class about one of the most unique aspects of learning to be a helper: being your own tool. As a therapist, my "me" is unmistakably present in every moment of the work I do. While my efforts are grounded in science and theory, they are undoubtedly woven together with who I am in the room: which thoughts, emotions, and personal memories come up for me while listening to my clients' narratives, how attentive and present I feel each moment of the session, and how I choose to respond or intervene. The beautiful thing about being my own tool is that I have the honor of lifelong learning and personal growth through this work as I support my clients in their own journeys toward healing. Following are some of the most poignant lessons providing therapy has taught me about myself...so far.

1.  I love to connect. This one may seem like a no-brainer; I must have been drawn to therapy at least in part out of my own innate desire to connect with others. However, the longer I work as a therapist, the more I realize how much joy and enrichment I feel through the connections I form with my clients and colleagues. It is hitting home even more now that I have been working with some clients over the span of years! It is an absolute privilege to experience my clients' lives with them.
2. Diversity energizes me. I've worked in settings where my clients all share very similar identities and presenting issues, and I felt much more fatigued from those settings than I do now in private practice. I love having a wide range of client ages, backgrounds, identities, and presenting concerns and find that it keeps me more engaged and energized.
3. I need balance. Similar to the above point about client diversity, I need balance and change in my professional activities. I love being able to teach and write in addition to my full-time work as a therapist. I am also taking steps toward adding consultation services to my practice and moving toward my ideal workload of therapy vs. other professional activities. I enjoy challenging myself with new experiences, like teaching in the Middle East earlier this year, as it mixes up my routine and sparks new learning.
4. I can't ignore my self-care. I am very emotionally present in my role as a therapist - session to session I may be tearing up with my clients, celebrating their victories, sharing in their disappointments, grieving their losses. My emotional connection guides and supports my work, especially as a relational-psychodynamic clinician, but it also can weigh heavy. I feel a big difference in my weeks if I am not prioritizing my own needs as well. I think about self-care in two ways - replenishment, or bringing things lagging up to baseline, and nourishment, or adding to that baseline for improved well-being. For the former, I feel replenished when I take care of chores, make phone calls, get caught up on notes, or take care of anything else that has been looming over me. For the latter, I feel nourished through exercise, spending time with loved ones, travel, and cooking. If I neglect either front, I feel emotionally heavier and less present as a therapist. 
5. I smile and laugh A LOT. My propensity for smiling and laughing (congruent with American cultural norms) has been both helpful and hindering as a therapist. It has allowed me to inject humor in my work, which has been a great way of building rapport with clients and can pave the way for clients to gain insight and hear feedback in a gentle way. However, I have learned that it can at times be hindering, particularly when smiling and humor are being used to avoid emotional depth. I have been intentionally working recently to gain more control over my instinctive smile so that it is more intentional and conscious. 
   
   

These are only five of many lessons I have learned over the years of being a therapist. As I am still early in my career, I anticipate endless lessons being added as I continue developing personally and professionally. To choose this career is to choose lifelong dynamic growth and learning - and constant honing of yourself as your tool.